I had never known what being strong meant before you
And maybe that is why holding your weak hands in the steady ones of my own,
In this way too familiar hospital room
Grants me the serenity to finally let go.

 

As you sigh in your painful sleep,
I think back to the time
You came to rescue
When life pushed too hard,
When my own skin became so
foreign.

 

The same fingers wrapped around me back then,
Which are now tender and ready to rest
That used to shake me out of my trance
when I used to travel into the world of nothingness,
Where I used to stay quiet,
Only to scream in my head that
I am nothing but
small
soft
and weak.

 

At times when I was no longer myself,
And turned into water
You held me up from drowning within myself.

 

When darkness used to come over,
As days turned into nights
And seconds turned into minutes
And anger turned into self pity,
When I used to crumble,
You jumped in to put me back together every single time.

 

When I used to forget to feel the pain
Because the hurt had been there for too long
And my heart had grown accustomed to the constant pain,
You taught me how to rebuilt and reset.
You taught me how to press pause
Only to press resume again.

 

When I had given up,
because the burden had become too hard for me to carry,
You taught me that everyone feels pain but
We are not meant to carry it forever.
We are meant to hold it so closely,
That over time we become certain that
Pain belongs to us just
As much we belong to pain.

 

Countless times, when life’s claws had been around my neck,
You were there to remind me that
I am still here.
That I am a fighter and
I am a survivor.

 

And maybe that was your role,
Maybe you were only sent to save me.

 

Maybe you were sent to help me love myself,
And make me feel like at home in my own skin.

 

I don’t have a lot to say,
But if I never see you again,
I want to thank you for saving me.

 

I want to thank you for showing me how to find the light
So whenever the world gets dark again,
I can overcome any shadow that falls upon my path.

 

I want to thank you for forcing me
To dance to this broken melody,
Because it has now mastered into my life line.

 

I want to thank you for teaching me how to be gentle and soft
And teaching me to be everything that this world urges me not to be.

 

I want to thank you for dropping me off
At the right exit,
And for that I can now find my own way around.

 

I want to thank you,
For making a difference,
And I am now ready to take it from here.

---

When I initially started writing this piece, I had my grandma in mind. The thought occurred to me during our weekly FaceTime when she mentioned her weak health and how I owe her a visit because from here life is uncertain for her. The idea of her getting old and me eventually losing her threw me into a frenzy and this piece was born. As my writing progressed throughout, I found myself reflecting on more than just one person. The “you” in this poem is not limited to one person but to everyone who has helped me hold on to this deary life and stay sane. For me, this poem has transformed into something very important, that I will always hold close to my heart as it was a reflection upon the idea of how I would react if I lost someone important.