Sitting on a rooftop and overthinking after midnight has never been a great combination,
Yet here I am wrapped around
In his arms,
Trying to make sense of why getting drunk
over his smell of rum and honey is so easy.
But that is not why I am here,
Only to get lost again
When I have finally found myself.
Do you remember the first time we kissed- He laughs.
Why are you laughing?
Because of course I remember.
Yeah? What do you remember?
It’s a bit weird.
No, say it.
I was scared because I couldn’t tell if you felt the same way.
Since you were with my best friend?
Yes, so I was waiting for a sign, but it never came- Instead, it was me who kissed you first.
Yeah, I was so happy but what made you? kiss me I mean.
I couldn’t help myself, not because it seemed cool.
No?
No. And you accusing me of that, actually angered me a little.
Why?
It felt like I had to give up on everything to be with you.
I betrayed my only best friend,
So when you accused me of doing what others thought was cool and
That I didn’t have my own opinion,
It was very unfair.
Because It isn’t true.
Because I chose you despite all the odds.
And it was a very stupid decision.
A really stupid decison?
Yes. A really stupid one. Because it made me feel like shit.
Because it made me stop liking myself as a person.
But I can’t continue to have regrets for the rest of my life.
I’ve become paranoid because I keep thinking if you and I could do something that horrible to my own best friend,
You might do the same to me.
Do you understand?
Sometimes, I think I deserve it.
I became desperate.
Your opinion started meaning more than my own.
And that is not how is it should be.
No.
I have to find my opinion now.
I have to collect all the bits and pieces of myself that I abandoned along this journey to my paranoia.
And I have to do it alone.
Do we go separate ways now?
I think so.
Is that what you want?
It’s what I’m in need of.
It seems like the most important thing right now.
As if nothing else has meaning.
Then we’ll just lay here until the stars go away.
________________________________________________________________________________
This piece has transformed into something very abstract from what it initially started out as. So no, I have never betrayed a best friend like that nor have I ever made a guy cheat on his girl. This was supposed to be just a piece about a girl who has now made peace with herself and is willing to go on this journey to set things right, which reflects me in more than just one way.
I still have not decided on what structure this ended up as because it takes the shape of dialogues between two lovers in a poetic form.
Also, this one’s for you Hunnisett. Thanks for the pep talk the other day.
May 8, 2018 at 1:59 PM
Dear Zohra,
Your free choice is beautifully built and your title encompasses the meaning behind the entirety of your piece. By losing that sense of dependence on others and uncovering who you are was evident throughout this post. The influence from others conforming your own beliefs and the struggle to overcome it is wonderfully shown. The line, “Then we’ll just lay here until the stars go away,” left an imprint on me. It is allusive of the change you experienced and how your life will forever be different.
To improve, I would recommend checking over your future pieces for any grammatical errors and to ensure that some words aren’t in a different tense. However, as your piece is on losing the influence from others, you may be contradicting yourself if you were to listen to me.
All in all, this piece was amazing and not too extensive. I hope to see any future posts on your blog.
Sincerely,
Abhay
May 12, 2018 at 8:01 AM
Dear Zohra,
This piece was beautiful. I really loved the concept of dialogue poetry, because it just makes the poem even more lively and relatable. The sense of losing yourself to someone who doesn’t really care about you, was evident throughout the whole poem. You portrayed that message very well. You talked about how this piece is about a girl who has now found her true self, is on a path to set things right, and how that reflects you, as a person in many ways. I resonate with that very same thought as well.
To improve, I’d suggest you to maybe, use different colors for the various dialogues, as the poem kind of got confusing, and to re-read your work, because there are some grammatical errors. Other than that, the poem is amazing. You are a great writer. Can’t wait to read what all you have in store in the future!
Sincerely,
Nimrit