Mauerbauertraurigkeit
n. the inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.
Dear Best Friend,
This is a goodbye I never had the courage to tell you.
You know me well enough inside out
That I trust you to understand why this is
The fall-out I never had the will to fight
Because lately, our friendship has felt like
Walking on eggshells.
Once upon a time,
We were each others safe space,
Where nothing other than us mattered.
We were there for each other, supporting and respecting
Through every changing phase
From nails to hairdos
From dresses to sweats
And of course from school to boys.
And then it all stopped.
To be specific, I stopped.
Perhaps, I’m “paranoid” as you say
But as the text replies came less
And the seenzone-ing came more,
I grew insecure.
I feared that one Tuesday morning,
You’ll wake up before me
And instead of texting me good morning,
Your mind is going to start realizing all my flaws.
My crooked nose, chapped lips,
Stretch marks across my thighs and arms,
Just like the ugliness spread across my personality.
You’ll get tired of my jealous remarks,
The fact that I complain too much,
My judgmental comments, or
Just how selfish I can be at times.
You’ll walk into your kitchen,
Brew a cup of coffee,
Stare at the pale morning sun rays
And come to the conclusion
That for no particular reason at all,
You don’t love me anymore.
As my paranoid self kicked in,
I tried to act insensitive towards you.
I tried to not care,
When there seemed to be more
Genuine laughter tumbling out of you,
In the company of another.
As much as that stung,
My heart warmed at every sight of your smiling face.
I’m going to let you you go,
Because I love you.
I know I mean the world to you
And it won’t be easy.
It’ll be difficult,
But I need you to find yourself.
I need you to discover who you are,
Without me.
I need you to uncover
The power and magic that
Lives beneath your bones.
I need you to learn
How to walk away
From anything that
No longer deserves your presence.
Love,
Your forever grateful friend.
________________________________________________________________________________
I first started writing this poem in bits and pieces this past summer but never came around to finish it as I was having trouble getting my thoughts across in just the right words. In class, when we were asked to pick and work with one of the 23 emotions that we all feel but can’t describe, the feeling “mauerbauertraurigkeit” stood out the most to me and I decided to weave it in my poem that I had started but abandoned as a result of lacking ideas.
March 6, 2018 at 8:48 PM
Talent.
March 8, 2018 at 3:01 PM
Dear Zohra,
I really liked this poem and how you perfectly captured the emotions and heartbreak that accompanies the loss of a friend. It’s something that I think anyone would be able to relate to and you did a great job showing the change from kids to teens and how sometimes leaving each other is for the best.
One thing I would suggest working on is making it even more personal and going more in depth with the emotions that you were feeling at the time.
I love your writing and seeing another side to you, and I’m really looking forward to your future works. You’re amazing!!
Love,
Kayla
March 15, 2018 at 6:16 PM
Dear Kayla,
Thanks for taking the time to check out my post! And I’m glad that you picked up on the part where I tried showing the change in friendship from kids to teens over time. As for the improvement, I have always thought that I overload my writing with my feeling rather than focusing on the main content. As a solution, I tried to limit the amount of time I spend on showcasing my emotions.
Thanks again for the comment!
Love,
Zohra
March 9, 2018 at 12:47 AM
Dear Zohra,
I have no words to tell you how beautiful that was! Mauerbauertraurigkeit is a word which defines a particular feeling we have, but what is astonishing is that you did a fantastic job of capturing every emotion, thoughts, and feelings associated with the word. I think the reason why this piece is so captivating to read is that we can all relate to it one way or another. We read one of the lines and we have one of those ‘yes that’s what I meant’ moments, more so because you perfectly described what so many people don’t know how to put into words. I also liked the consistent flow of the poem, there were no breaks or moments where I had to go back and say “wait, what does that mean?” Great work!!
For improvement, I suggest you add the backstory of what lead up to the ‘pushing away of a close a friend.’ It is clearly evident in your writing that this is something you have experienced and I strongly believe that there must have been a something that caused it to occur. Intertwine that story in there and your piece will be even more powerful.
This poem has really brought out the strong, true voice inside you. Keep writing with this inspiration and passion because it creates something beautiful. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work!
Sincerely,
Hefseeba
March 15, 2018 at 6:41 PM
Dear Hefseeba,
Thanks for such a sweet comment! And I’m pleased that you could relate to this piece and were able to say the same for others as well. Also, I’m glad that you found nothing confusing and were able to perfectly understand this human emotion I was trying to portray through a personal example.
As for the improvement, I guess I don’t have much of a back story. I remember first reading about this emotion and thinking about all those rainy days when I feel the exact same. I feel as I’ve progressed in the years of my teens, my self esteem has degraded drastically. Throughout this time, I have made a habit of constantly wondering if I’m good enough, as I’m sure many of us can relate. This emotion just happens to be one the many that I’ve picked on, more so in the department of friendships.
Thanks again for checking out my post!
Sincerely,
Zohra.
March 15, 2018 at 11:19 AM
Dear Zohra
This poem clearly depicts the emotions of losing a friend. I could also feel the emotions of the character going through this. The line that says” I tried to not care” particularly stuck out to me. As the character is doing something that may look like they actually don’t care. But in reality they are crumbling inside while they are trying to keep it up.
It was a great poem. However, I would suggest that you add a backstory of what led to this happening. Along with that a bit of insight on the character’s personality would help the reader understand the character more.
Sincerely,
Zubia
March 15, 2018 at 6:53 PM
Dear Zubia,
Thanks for commenting! I’m glad you found this piece clear and yes that is exactly the point I was trying to get across.
As for the suggestion, I would like to say the same thing I mentioned above in my reply to Hefseeba’s comment; I don’t have much of a back story as I just went ahead and described how I feel on one of those bad days we all sometimes have to face.
Thanks again for visiting my blog!
Sincerely,
Zohra
April 15, 2018 at 12:30 AM
Dear Zohra,
First of all, I’d say that you are a commendable writer. This piece was written beautifully, and it captured your emotions really well. The way all the words were put together and the way you wrote the poem is beautiful. I also loved how you decided to write on friendship, rather than a relationship, because people nowadays, including me, take friendships for granted, and tend to read and write more about two lovers, But we should never forget that they are equally as important as relationships are.
To improve, I’d only suggest you to write a little backstory on why you were feeling that certain emotion. It would just help the reader understand where you are coming from.
Other than that, your work is phenomenal, and I look forward to reading your upcoming posts!!
April 15, 2018 at 12:31 AM
Sincerely,
Nimrit ^^^^